Healing From Trauma

Hi Guys! How are you doing? I feel like I haven’t written anything on the advice and stories part of my blog in a minute. But it’s actually only been like a week. Haha. I missed you all.

Today, I want to touch on the topic of healing.  I want to sort’ve update you all with where I’m at with that. One thing I always try to do on this blog is to be honest with you, my readers. So here goes…

You never know how damaged you are until you find yourself having a severe anxiety attack and you’re just so numb to what’s going on around you. You never know how seriously something affects until you’re sitting on your bed just crying your eyeballs out.

These things happened to me in October, severe anxiety and depression over something that I thought I had gotten over. Over my mom being mentally ill , my Dad leaving etc. After the whole ordeal it made me say to myself, “Girl you need to heal from your trauma”.

Me being traumatized? It felt so weird to say that to myself. But I also thought to myself, “If you weren’t still traumatized by the events of last year would you be having this anxiety attack right now?”

I realized that there were things that I really needed to heal from. So many things.  I garnered that I had of anger inside of me because of those traumatizing situations.

So that’s what I’ve been working on. I’ve been trying to heal from my trauma. I’ve been journaling, doing breathing exercises, painting, exercising and listening to therapy videos. The videos have been helping me a lot to be calm and to be at peace

I want to be my best self. I want to be less anxious. I don’t want to carry anger and baggage into my relationships. I don’t want to feel numb.I want to be happy. I want inner peace.

And if I don’t heal from my trauma I’ll never find happiness. And I don’t want that. I want to be a good friend, girlfriend (even though I’m single LOL), and a good daughter.  So that’s what I’ve been working on.

I’m feeling calmer now than I have felt in months because I’m working on myself and just trying to heal from my traumas. Inner peace is where it’s at baby!

So if you’re in the same situation that I’m in right now, don’t give up. I’ve ascertained that healing takes time. It’s doesn’t just happen after the tough event has passed. You have to work at it everyday. Every single day. Don’t be discouraged. Take each day one step at a time. Just try to be in a better place mentally than you were yesterday.

What about you? What have you been trying to heal from? What traumas have you faced?

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How To Get Over Someone

We’ve all been there, crying over Tom, or Harry, thinking that we will never get over them. Thinking that our life is over. Sounds familiar? Relationships are hard, whether it’s a friendship, or romantic. Breakups are even harder. It’s tough getting over someone, especially when the relationship was good. How do you cope without this person when they were such a big part of your life?

Today, I want to give you some tips that have helped me get over someone, whether it was a relationship or friendship.

  • Delete their Number – This is the best way to get over someone. It shows finality. Now you can’t call them because their number is no longer in your phone and you can get over them quickly.
  • See Things For What They are – Look Harry wasn’t the best for you ok? He was a shitty person, but you were so in love with him, you couldn’t see it. Tom wasn’t nice to you, he used your emotions against you. The faster you realize this, and see things for what they are, the easier you’ll be able to get over that person.
  • Focus on Something Else – This one is really big. Put down the phone, stop stalking his instagram page and focus on something else. What hobbies do you have? Do you draw? What about that project that you said you were going to finish but didn’t. The more you focus on other things, the less time you will have thinking about that person who broke your heart. Eventually, they’ll fade away from your mind.

I’ve had a lot of heartbreaks in friendships as well as  from rejection. It’s not easy, you feel like your whole world is crashing down. You feel like your world is just ending. It sucks!

But you know what? You live and you learn. Heartbreak is apart of life. Life isn’t always going to be sunshine and roses. The person who you like is not always going to like you back. The person you’re in love with isn’t always going to be your boyfriend. Jessica won’t always be your best friend. It’s just life!

It also teaches me that everything happens for a reason. Maybe Johnny isn’t the person you’re supposed to be with. Maybe Pam isn’t supposed to be your best friend for life. That guy that rejected you? Maybe he wasn’t meant to be in your life. Not everything is meant to be, you know?

Love isn’t everything. Finding a best friend for life isn’t everything. There’s more to life than having a boyfriend or a best friend.

Live your life. Do the things that you’ve always wanted to do. Focus on yourself. Life is too short to stress over things that aren’t going to matter in the end.

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Story Time : We Don’t Talk Anymore

Hi, guys it’s been a while since I have updated the Advice and Stories part of my blog. I missed you all so much! Welcome back!

Today’s blog post is titled, “We Don’t Talk Anymore”.

There’s this new show called “A Million Little Things”, have you seen it? It’s so good! The premise of the show is that ‘there are a group of friends who are intertwined in each other’s lives, realize that they need to start living until one of them suddenly  dies by suicide”.

During one of the episodes, (Sorry, spoiler alert) after their friend dies, the group of guys go to a football game and the guy named Gary says this,

“I spent almost 950 hours sitting next to John and I had no idea that he was depressed. Did you? Did you?NO! You want to know why? Because we don’t talk. The last time we said anything deep was when we were in that elevator. We were more honest with each other before we were friends. Now we do this. We sit shoulder to shoulder like guys, what we’re doing right now and the truth, the very sad truth is that we don’t really know each other”. 

This really hit home for me, “We don’t talk”. I mean how many of us really talk to our friends?  I mean, really really talk to our friends?You know, when you’re in a really depressing state, or you tell them some deep dark secret?. And I am guilty of this too, because I don’t really talk to a lot of my friends. I have 100 contacts in my phone and I rarely ever take up the phone and say, “This is what’s going on”. Sometimes I’ll wait till when the anxiety takes over, and that’s when I’ll start talking.

And I’m not saying that you have to tell your friends every single detail that happens in your life, because that’s just impossible. If we talked more don’t you think less people would be depressed and suicidal because they would have people to talk to? And yes, I know that even with people to talk to, some people still take their lives. And yes, I know it’s not your job to be you friends therapist. I know, but it’s more healing to talk about things than to hold them in.

I have my moments too, where everyone thinks I’m so happy but underneath it all I’m so sad. Because I don’t want to burden my friends with my problems. And sometimes I really don’t want to talk about it. And there’s the reverse too where my mind is so much on my problems that I don’t even notice my friends sadness. Which is really bad.

But sometimes, get off social media! Get off Instagram and Facebook and pick up the phone and call your friend. Ask them how they’re doing! Sometimes send them a text. Hang out with your friends and forget your phones! Get to know them again! You never know what someone is going through.

I know, you can’t be there for all  of your friends, because who really can? But make the effort! And yes I know that not every friend can handle depressing stories, but find the ones who can.

After all, if you don’t talk to your friend, who can you really talk to? Who do you have to talk to?

What did you think of this post? Are you someone who picks up the phone and calls your friend or do you like to keep things to yourself?

Comment below

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Advice : How to Find Your Purpose

fullsizeoutput_1df4.jpeg“Finding my purpose was so easy”, said no one ever. I mean, if it was so easy everyone would know what they wanted to do. Everyone would be happy. But, finding your purpose can be a struggle for most of us, sometimes, it takes years to figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life. Today, I want to give some advice on How to Find Your Purpose.

First, let’s define the word “Purpose”. According to Dictionary.com, purpose is defined as, “The reason for which something exists or is done‘. So some questions to ask yourself is, “What’s important to me?” and “What can I do with my time?”

Here are some tips to figure out what’s Important to you which will lead you to your purpose hopefully

  1. Find your passion – I truly believe that your passion leads you to your purpose. What were you interested in as a boy or girl? Was it music? Was it poetry? For me, creating has always been my passion since I was a little girl, you would always see me drawing clothes and creating stuff. My parents have always wanted me to go into other fields though, and I’ve tried, but they just aren’t for me. My other passions also include helping people, which I hope this blog does.
  2. You have to be able to make a sacrifice – So if you want to be a Doctor are you willing to stay up all night studying? Are you willing to sacrifice going out with your friends to draw that painting? Nothing in life comes easy, so if you want something you have to be willing to work overtime for it.
  3. What keeps you up at night? – I’m always on my phone, even late at night. You could say that I’m addicted to my phone. But I’ve found what’s behind being on my phone is my need for self improvement. I’m always reading blogs and watching videos on how to improve myself, strategizing etc. Always reading about stuff that will help me improve my skills. Reading books on my phone has helped me become a better writer, and Instagram has helped me learn to market myself. Look, 2 weeks ago I didn’t know how to edit videos for Youtube. Now with these tips I’m on my way to becoming my own boss. I’m also now taking a marketing class online to improve my skills.
  4. Get to doing Stuff – Yes, you’re passionate about Writing, or doing hair but what have you done? When’s the last time you wrote something? I mean, it’s good to have passions but it’s what you do with them that matters. Stop talking and start doing.
  5. You have to be willing to embarrass yourself and learn how to handle failure – Look, when I started this blog I had no clue on what I was doing. I asked some of my friends for feedback and some of them said, “Yo, this is bad” but that didn’t stop me. My first Youtube video was a disaster but I just laughed at myself and continued. Also when I started no one really read my blog, yes, I felt discouraged at first but that just propelled me to work even harder.

Some people are very fortunate to know what they want to do from the moment  they can talk. For many others though, it’s a struggle. And sometimes parents don’t help because they want to force their dreams on their kids.

What did you want to be when you were a little boy or girl? What do you want your legacy to be when you leave this world?

Purpose =What’s Important to You

Don’t live your life living someone else’s purpose. Live your Own.

Finding your purpose is simply finding something that defines you, something that fulfills you, something that you would stay up all night for.

But Purpose requires action. So that Book that you’ve been thinking about writing? Start writing! Even if it’s in your journal. Want to become the next Justin Bieber? Start making Youtube covers.Work on your craft everyday. And look, if you’re worried that your passion won’t gain you any money, everything can be monetized in this age of social media.

The point is, start somewhere. The only thing we have really, is time.

Hopefully these tips will help someone, I don’t have it all figured out but I’m learning and sharing as I go.

What did you think of this post? Comment below.

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Story Time : Dating in 2018

Who watches Bachelor in Paradise? Did you see the finale? Yes, I know that it’s a reality tv show but I couldn’t help but say to myself “Wow I can relate”. Dating these days isn’t what it used to be, it makes me feel disgusted to be honest. Dating in 2018 is like stabbing yourself repeatedly with a butter knife…. Harsh but true… Keep reading to find out why

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So lets dissect these guys in this age

1.These guys just want to hook up – Guys these days don’t even want to get to know you, they just want to get in your pants. About 2 months ago, I went on a first date with this guy, and all he kept talking about was sex, sex, sex. I was so disgusted and turned off. I just deleted his number afterwards.

2. They tell you you’re great and you’re the best thing, but they still don’t want you – I remember watching Kevin from Bachelor in Paradise telling Astrid that she was the best but he still broke up with her. Then she said “I’m so tired of guys saying that they like me so much and I’m the best but they always end up breaking up with me”. I was like “Yass I can relate”.I mean  just shut up and don’t say anything. I’d rather not hear that bs, thank you. Guys say this to me so much.

3. They don’t make any effort –  Don’t ask me out if you’re not going to make the effort. Just forget the thought. If you’re not going to take me out on dates, pick me up, show some effort then don’t bother. If you feel lazy, then don’t bother asking me out. What’s the point? I want someone who shows me that he likes me.  This guy told me recently that he felt too lazy to pick me up for a date, so I said to him don’t bother. I mean why?

4. Guys in 2018 are players – I mean guys in every age are players but in 2018 it seems more rampant. A couple of months ago I invited this guy I was seeing to Afro fest Mind you, he claimed to be really into me, so I decided to give him a chance. He said he would be there by 5pm but I waited till 6 to ask him where he was. Then he said he was 20 mins away. I waited until 9 pm  and he still didn’t show up. Then I left the fest. When I came home, he didn’t provide and explanation or anything.  And then the next day I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. Then he called me and claimed that he lost his wallet and “Oh I thought you were enjoying the fest, I didn’t think you would want to see me”. My conclusion was that he was there hooking up with other girls.

5. Guys in 2018 are Assholes – Do you guys remember when Kamil broke up with Annaliese for Bachelor In Paradise over national TV. What kind of asshole move was that? One guy called me a bitch after he was trying to lecture me about stupidness and I told him not to yell at me. It’s like could you wait to show your bad side? I just met you.

Disclaimer – I’m not saying ALL guys are like this, but  some of the ones that I’ve gone out with are like this.

Yes, so this is Dating in 2018, for me. Maybe it’s great for you guys but for me it hasn’t been. But I’m happy for these experiences. They’ve taught me so much about myself and what I want.

And yes, I know some people might be saying, “Oh you’re so picky”, but you know what? I don’t care. You SHOULD be picky, not everyone should get to know you. Never settle for anything less than you deserve.

YOU DESERVE THE BEST!Remember that!

Ad if someone isn’t treating you right Kick them to the Curb. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Because in the end you’re only going to hurt yourself

And yes, I know I sound entitled as hell but I don’t care. YOU SHOW PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU. People will only treat you bad if you allow them.

And don’t let anyone make you feel bad for wanting the best.

Also, sometimes you see red flags and sometimes you don’t, but again these are all lessons. Lessons that will help you grow and figure out the kind of person that You Do Want.

Conclusion – Dating in 2018 sucks. Maybe I should build myself a time machine and go back to the 90’s when guys used to be gentlemen and open doors for Women. Do guys like that even exist in today’s age? I can only hope, for my sake, LOL. I’m not worried though, I have all the time in the world, there’s no rush.

Did you enjoy this post? Comment below. Let me know what you think.

 

I know I’ve kinda been slacking on this part of my blog but with Work, youtube, creating looks for my fashion blog etc, it has been a lot. And I’ve also been really depressed for the past 2 weeks but I’m feeling a lot better now. I just want to be honest with you all.

XOXO

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